Responding in large part to a recent story at Spiegel Online, German magazine Der Spiegel’s Web site, Dixie Chicks lead vocalist Natalie Maines issued a rambling and often humorous response via an open letter on the band’s official Web site. In her acerbic retort, Maines discusses a wide range of topics, including their recent plane crash and the band’s status in country music. On the Chicks’ Web site, Maines’ comments appear in German with an English translation available. Here’s what Maines wrote — in its entirety:
I am taking the time out of my very busy rock and roll life to write you this letter. As I am sure you can understand, being me is a full time job. I can’t just drop everything every three days because someone needs a quote or statement about a quote or statement we may or may not have said. It’s just draining me of time and effort I need to put toward other things. For one, I as a taxpayer have to get busy earning money to help pay off the latest $87 billion dollar addition to the national debt! Also, I have a huge list of phone calls to return.
I’ll list a few just so you get the idea.
Saddam Hussein called and wants to know where his weapons of mass destruction are. Listen Saddam, I already told you, I don’t know. You’re going to have to call the White House on that one.
Country radio called and wants to know if it’s true that you’re leaving country music? This one must be a prank call. I mean, how can you leave a party now when the hosts had shown you to the door six months ago.
Sheryl Crow and Lenny Kravitz called to see if you could come to their party Friday night. Oh that one’s easy. I can’t, I’m already going to Ashton and Demi’s party.
G. Gordon Liddy, Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus all called again to ask about the plane crash. Listen guys this is really getting old. I’m sorry, but no, we did not die in a plane crash. But look on the bright side … we fly all the time.
Arnold Schwarzenegger called to see if we wanted to “verk out” with him at “zee gym” next week. Hmmm, that’s both weird and scary. He must not have heard what Emily “said” about him or know that we’re married!
See, can you understand now why I don’t have time to constantly defend my partners and myself? Oh, speaking of partners, Martie did want me to clear up two things that she absolutely did not say in any shape, form or fashion. She wants it to be known that she never complained about not winning any ACM awards. I told her nobody who has ever seen what an ACM award looks like is going to believe she said any such thing. But nevertheless she wanted to clear that up. The second thing was that she never said we were a part of the “rock and roll family” now. I once again told her I didn’t think it was necessary to clear that up. I mean, as of yet, I wasn’t aware we had made a rock album. As a matter of fact, I think I recall our last album being bluegrass. So there you have it. Do with it what you will.
You know, a good thing that has come out of all this is having a good support system from the music industry to call on for advice. Most recently I called up Ozzy to ask him what I should do about all of this, and do you know what he told me? Oh hang on just a second, you won’t believe this … P. Diddy and Eminem just instant messaged me at the exact same time. I didn’t even know that was possible. Let me just IM them back that I will have to talk to them later. OK, sorry about that. Now where was I? Oh right Ozzy. Do you know what he told me to do? Well, I don’t really know either. I couldn’t really understand him. But he did say something at the end that was very profound. He said “f*** it.” I like that advice. I think I’ll do just that. So from here on out, when you call for a statement, explanation, apology, etc., we are just going to have to refer you to this letter. Oh, and by the way, since you’re here on our Web site you might as well go buy a T-shirt. We are having a plane crash sale. Everything is double.
Oh, I have to go. Keith and Mick are in the limo waiting for me. The five of us have started getting together every Tuesday night. I must tell you, Keith is really getting into his fiddle lessons with Martie. He can already play “Faded Love.” And Mick, well he gets faster at “Dueling Banjos” with Emily every week. I think they are really going to blow everyone away at the rock and roll family reunion next week. But, it’s not just about them learning from us. Nope, they help me every week think up new controversial “rock and roll” things to say. Thanks guys … you’re the greatest!
P.S. I will also be posting this in German so if you don’t like what I really said, you can just translate it into what suits your agenda.