Editor’s note: The new issue of GQ magazine has raised the ire of CMT.com writer Edward Morris, who knows what’s sexy when he hears it.
I could just throw up.
GQ magazine has published its list of the “29 Sexiest Songs of All Time,” and there’s not a country song in the bunch. What have these dolts been listening to?
Do they mean to tell me that Starland Vocal Band’s prissy little “Afternoon Delight” is sexier than Gene Watson’s ultra-steamy “Love in the Hot Afternoon”? That Nina Simone’s “I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl” is more suggestive than Razzy Bailey’s “She Left Love All Over Me”? Or that Chuck Berry’s infantile “My Ding-a-Ling” is half as torrid as Garth Brooks’ coming-of-age manual, “That Summer”? Give me a seven-letter break!
Country music may be provincial — but prudish, never. May I call to your attention to Mel Tillis’ “I Got the Hoss (And She’s Got the Saddle).” Is there one among you who believes Melvin is singing about equestrian diversions? When Merle Haggard and Leona Williams warble about “The Bull and the Beaver,” do you think they’re merely swapping CB-radio chatter?
In those rare moments when he wasn’t singing “God Bless the USA,” Lee Greenwood could get just as bawdy as the man in the next stall. Taking his “baby” on a “Mornin’ Ride” — and you can trust me on this — was not about cuddling an infant while pedaling one’s exercise bike.
And what about Conway Twitty’s “I’d Love to Lay You Down”? Does that strike you as sexually neutral? Hah! I thought not. Even the starched and pressed George Strait could be downright naughty. Remember “The Fireman” — the guy who can “cool ’em down when they’re smokin’ hot”? Some technique, eh?
Oh, yes, let’s not forget Watson’s other great contribution to this genre, his X-plicit “You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without.” Now that’s one to think about, GQ.