OFFSTAGE: Martina McBride Doesn’t Get Artichokes, but I Do

(CMT Offstage keeps a 24/7 watch on everything that’s happening with country music artists behind the scenes and out of the spotlight.)

Sit down, Martina. I can explain. All those things you posted on Twitter that you don’t get ? I actually get them. So allow me. 

1. Artichokes

Batter the leaves, deep fry them, season them generously with salt, serve with Gorgonzola dipping sauce, and you’ll get them. You will so get them.

2. Servers who, several hours into their shift, don’t know what the soup of the day is

When restaurants run low on soups, they often create new ones out of blending the varied remnants of the others. So the soup du jour right now may be the soup du jour from yesterday mixed with the soup du jour from an hour ago. It’s hard to keep up. 

3. Restaurants who don’t put salt on the table

There’s a holier-than-thou chef in the kitchen who thinks he/she has already seasoned every dish to perfection. That, or they don’t want you doing tequila shots right there at the table.

4. Businesses who don’t allow parking for neighboring businesses even after they are closed

Obviously, the two business owners are in some kind of petty fight that’s been going on for years.

5. People who work out three to four hours a day. (Nothing wrong with it. I just don’t get it.)

Pretty sure they are just trying to get down to a size, Martina.

6. Lip syncing

Maybe the singer has too much choreography. Or too little confidence. But if everyone could sound like you do live, there’d probably be no such thing.

7. Decaf coffee

When you absolutely have to have a cinnamon dolce latte after 6 p.m.

8. The whole Dixie Chicks brouhaha

It makes no sense, but it did teach every singer and musician an important lesson: Be careful what you say to kill the time while guitars are being tuned during a show.

9. Food-scented candles

See No. 5. People on diets want to smell delicious foods even when they can’t indulge in them. Light up a little zero-calorie caramel pecan pie and you’ll see what I mean.

10. Wearing sunglasses inside

On top of your head, sunglasses are the new headbands.