Still The King Recap: Hands on a Hard Vessel [SPOILERS]

Close Singing to a Girl Without Her Permission Is Never OK

The episode opens with a TV news reporter covering the Hands on a Hard Vessel contest, a competition to see who can keep their hand on the boat the longest. The winner of the contest gets to keep the boat. The reporter interviews four-time winner Vance Trecks, a dirtball oozing an unearned cockiness.

“If you step to Vance, I’ll eat your ass for breakfast,” assures Vance. He goes on, “That was supposed to sound intimidating, not erotically charged. Maybe cut that part out.”

We find that Ronnie is watching the news cast from home, and he’s ready for Vance.

“Bad news for Vance, this year it’s gonna be your classic overdog story. I’ve been training for months and no one’s winning my boat,” says Ronnie.

Meanwhile, Doily wakes up in the morning at Vernon’s after a wild night. Doily tags along to the hands-on-a-hard-vessel contest.

There, Ronnie and Vance exchange a few words before the contest begins.

Once the competition is underway, Charlotte’s friends surprise her with an invitation to the winter boat party. After she gets Debbie’s approval, she takes her hand off the boat to join her friends. This sends Vernon into a spiral when “reality” of a party sets in and gets after Debbie.

“She’s walking into exactly the kinda place where a girl could get her V-card punched by some shiftless musician on a pontoon!” shouts Vernon.

Debbie disagrees. There’s no way Charlotte would throw caution to the wind, or would she? Debbie joins Vernon in the paranoia before they take their hands off the boat and run off to save Charlotte from what seems like a drug-fueled rager of a party.

Doily assures Vernon that he’ll stay and win the boat. He plans to call it the S.S. BFF for their friendship he so desperately wants to be real.

Back over at the contest, Walt gets a call from the Paranormal Men’s Society — there’s a Squach sighting. He takes his hand off the boat and leaves to reclaim his membership. When he arrives at the spot, the Squach turns out to be fake.

“I get it. This was a re-initiation prank? Good one, guys,” Walt hopes.

“No, dummy, this is a you’re-an-idiot prank, so we can all laugh at you,” explains one member.

Walt is confused and embarrassed.

“This ain’t going to be easy. If we’re going to get access to this madness, we gotta blend in. That requires a party attitude and some heavy drinking,” Vernon explains to Debbie. She proceeds to shotgun a beer and gives him the go-ahead.

After drinking their way over to the house boat where Charlotte’s partying, they see one of the band members uncomfortably close to Charlotte’s face.

“Close singing to a girl without her permission is never OK,” Vernon lectures before throwing his guitar off the side. The boy is in tears.

Charlotte can’t believe how much her parents are overreacting — they weren’t even drinking. As Charlotte stomps off, Vernon and Debbie follow far behind. They take a look at each other, smile and agree to stick around.

“I mean, yeah, and we should sober up a bit … so just a couple light beers,” Debbie explains.

At the contest, Vance takes his hand off the boat and jumps up and down. He runs around to Ronnie’s side and stops in his tracks. Ronnie laying on the ground, sound asleep, with his hand still on the boat. But once Ronnie takes his hand off, he realizes he’s not the only one left either. Santino Trillions walks out from the back of the boat, his hand gliding along the side. Ronnie hadn’t noticed him. Blast!

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And, watch the video recap below for a bite-size version of the episode.

Writer and producer for Lives in Los Angeles and once glued herself to the TV.